"Strong people know how to keep their life in order.

Even with tears in their eyes, they still manage to say "I'm ok" with a smile.

Send this to a strong person. I just did."

Close friend of mine just sent me this message.

I smiled for a moment, but then stopped to think about it.

I felt undeserving of it.

I'm not strong.
I cringe and crumble under stress easily.

And start to emit my negative emotions.

How is this strong?

He's right, coming to think of it.

"It's hard to get a 4."

Well, I managed to get 2 of them.

How the hell can I get a 4 after a mid semester grade like that?

I would have to fail my final paper.

Which I did.
No need to call for a re-mark. I know it myself.

Summing all up.

Easily one of the worst GPA attained, if not the worst in the entire batch.

New semester.

I felt prepared.

But still.

Crumbled under pressure.

Stupid mistakes.

Forgetting important information.

Same story. Different day.

Always holding high expectations in whatever I start on.

Only to be hugely disappointing in the end. In everyone's eyes. In my own eyes.

Depressing

Emotionally drained.

I'm not smart. I know.

Someone told me so too.

I take a longer time to understand than others.

Probably double the time. Or even longer.

Just typed in a Google search, 'how to become smarter?'

You might think I'm a nutter.

But I'm desperate.

Desperate to turn things around.

Desperate to get things right for a change.

It's not working for me at the moment.

"Father, Father, Father. Send some guidance from above."

I'm at my crossroads.

Feeling. Feeling that I will never succeed in life.

- I am Me. It's just Me.