Now. Rest well, my friend.

9th August 2011, QUT Brisbane, Australia

New web. New post. New beginning. Maybe it's a tribute to you, or just my way of remembering you. But I feel I had to do something, because I'm afraid. Afraid that I will forget what happened, and that I will forget you. 

Hence, leftablog.blogspot.com. In remembrance of you, my friend, my housemate. Richie(middle). And yes, that's a Singapore flag tattoo on his face.

Although it has been only 4 weeks that we have been staying together, I can safely say, you are not who people say you are. You are not the most popular of people in UQ and I have heard some nasty stuff about you which made me skeptical of staying with you. But just these 4 weeks living together, there's no truth in those words at all. Probably just the way you do and say things. Being candid and getting your point across. But you CAN get things done. That's your strength.

You are a person with goals in life. Flipping through your notebook, I find weekly to-dos being striked out, your short-term goals, long-term goals, even what you seek to achieve everyday.

Doing a kind act everyday. 

Take over family business by 2015.  

Let parents retire by 2015.   

Be Faithful.   

Shows how much I knew about you. I never knew you were so focused in life, target-oriented. I was almost certain you will be a great housemate. I mean, who the hell drives to Melbourne from Brisbane, and back?! Respect. It would have been so much fun going on a road trip with you. Up to Cairns, to the Great Barrier Reef. Picking up biking with you. There's so much I have still yet to know about you!

We were happily making our way there. Enjoying our 6-hour drive. You were enjoying yourself so much, you said you could drive all the way! So that when we came back, we are going to travel inland, and I was going to do the driving so that you could enjoy the scenery. I was so certain it was going to be a great weekend.

What happened man? I still ask myself this question umpteen times, every single day. What caused you to lose consciousness? Why did you lose the regulator? Why was your mask off? What happened? It was just a short few minutes. But everything happened so quickly. If only I looked back several more times to see everyone was there. If only I hit you harder to wake you up. If only I persevered long enough while performing CPR. If only I shouted louder at you to come back to us. If only we did not go for this trip...

Sometimes I think I was the one who got into the accident, and that I am just living in another parallel universe now. It's just surreal. Even when we came back, at your funeral, while I looked at you lying there, I thought I saw you breathing. It's just so difficult to accept that you are gone. I really cannot face your parents, family members, relatives, friends and Bella. Especially when you are being pushed into the incinerator, I really can't fight back my tears. My heart ached so badly, because I know, somehow or rather, I am related to your death. There was always something I could have done to prevent this. Hearing them shouting out for you, made my heart bleed. I could not even lift up my head to look at any of them. I'm weak, I know. I'm sorry, Richie.

I kept thinking as well, what was on your mind during the last few moments? You must have felt so helpless. Really can't imagine. I hope you left us peacefully. Another quote, from the first page of your notebook. 

"I am more than I appear to be, the World's strength & power rests inside me." 

You must have taken this quote from somewhere else, but I believe it definitely applies on you. 


I miss you man. I'll never forget the smile on your face. The laughs we shared although it was minimal. I regret not having a proper photo of just the two of us. Hope you will bless your loved ones and keep them safe. 

Rest in peace, Richie. Hope you are in a better world now.

Scott.

23yearsoldandcounting!

My awesome friends created a blog to give me their best wishes! Sweetness to the max.

Check it out, if anyone out there still keepintouch with my blog. haha.

bneboy.blogspot.com

You guys are the best, seriously.

Probably, thats why I'm not enjoying myself here. Without you guys, without my sweet girlfriend.

It's easy to meet new people here. But I can safely say less than FIVE will stay in my life after I graduate.

TRUE friends are hard to get by here. I thought I had met a couple, just to be disappointed afterwards.

Is it about the money? (Yes, singaporeans here are RICH)

How much assets your family has?

What car are you driving here/back in singapore?

What business line does your family do?

Do you come from a well-known school?

How many 7s do you have?

It's sad, really.

I came overseas to study, is to meet more people, widen my horizons.

But first mistake, coming to uq, where 75% are singaporeans.

I don't think I have any aussie friends at all.

That's how sad it is.

It doesn't matter how you treat people.

If they don't reciprocate, they don't reciprocate.

There's nothing you can do about it.

You're always gonna be on your own.

Hard lesson learnt.

And that's why I say,

YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!

Eh, probably second-best.

After Michelle.

=)

"Strong people know how to keep their life in order.

Even with tears in their eyes, they still manage to say "I'm ok" with a smile.

Send this to a strong person. I just did."

Close friend of mine just sent me this message.

I smiled for a moment, but then stopped to think about it.

I felt undeserving of it.

I'm not strong.
I cringe and crumble under stress easily.

And start to emit my negative emotions.

How is this strong?

He's right, coming to think of it.

"It's hard to get a 4."

Well, I managed to get 2 of them.

How the hell can I get a 4 after a mid semester grade like that?

I would have to fail my final paper.

Which I did.
No need to call for a re-mark. I know it myself.

Summing all up.

Easily one of the worst GPA attained, if not the worst in the entire batch.

New semester.

I felt prepared.

But still.

Crumbled under pressure.

Stupid mistakes.

Forgetting important information.

Same story. Different day.

Always holding high expectations in whatever I start on.

Only to be hugely disappointing in the end. In everyone's eyes. In my own eyes.

Depressing

Emotionally drained.

I'm not smart. I know.

Someone told me so too.

I take a longer time to understand than others.

Probably double the time. Or even longer.

Just typed in a Google search, 'how to become smarter?'

You might think I'm a nutter.

But I'm desperate.

Desperate to turn things around.

Desperate to get things right for a change.

It's not working for me at the moment.

"Father, Father, Father. Send some guidance from above."

I'm at my crossroads.

Feeling. Feeling that I will never succeed in life.

- I am Me. It's just Me.

Did i make the right decision at that point in time?

I think i deserved to get laughed at, even though she didn't mean it.

At least others knew what they wanted.

Which is extra time to study.

And they got the results they desired.

But me?

I was contemplating, to go or not to go, until the very last moment.

So I thoroughly deserve the results that I've gotten.

And can blame no one about it.

I want to be optimistic.

Like a particular friend of mine.

Always looking forward to reading his tweets.

Full of optimism.

But I always fail myself.

Every time, and i mean, EVERY TIME whenever i encounter problems, i just break down.

I can never face it like a MAN.

Such a failure.

Disappointment to my family.

Disappointment to you.

Should never have came in the first place and wasted all my parents' money.

Pray and hope for a better semester.

Results are out.

Passed all.

Barely.

Don't compare,

don't compare..

Results epitomises hard work.

I just didn't study hard enough.

It's all my fault.

It's my fault that I left you on 140211.

It's my fault I can't be there when you need me.

It's my fault if i go out and enjoy myself here, while you have to stay at home.

It's my fault when i decided to travel, rather than go back sg.

IT'S MY FAULT that i decided to come to Australia in the first place.

It hurt me what you said today.

And I felt really disappointed and sad.

But still, i appreciate you telling me, so I can change.

I don't know how yet, but I will do my best.

For You. I will.

Today, you complained about my stagnant facebook wall, and yours. oops. =x

So i came online, and almost immediately, i came across this video, posted by my friend.

It's really sweet.

Touched my heart so much. Almost teared.

And I know you did. =)

You are right.

It was 5 years for them, what's 1.5 for us?

This is a test. A big test for us.

Which I think we can overcome.

Nobody said it's gonna be easy.

I truly believe we are going to learn to cherish each other at the end of this all.

And our relationship is only going to become stronger.

Don't you agree?

I can be insensitive at times.

I might be blur and act like a woodblock at times.

But,

at the end of the day,

I still love you.

I'm not perfect.

But without you,

I can never be.

♥

Baby, let's do the list yeah?

It's super sweet and cool! =D