One year. One Thing.

Dear Friend,

Has it really been a year? Time flies huh. 

But there's not one day that i wish you were still here.

Still filled with regrets and what-ifs from time to time.

Sometimes, a selfish or noble part of me, still wishes it was me.

I was contemplating whether to go visit you on Sunday, cause' I was still afraid to face your family. It's just..difficult. 

So I went in the late afternoon and ran into your good friend, Jing Long. 

We talked about the past, how are your bunch of friends coping.

They played a match, and it felt different on the pitch.

I didn't even knew you played! 

And of course he asked about the accident.

I felt obligated, so I described everything to him. It was still not easy, and I can feel it was not easy for him to listen to it too.

Then, he told me about his dream just a few days back, where he sat with you and one other friend, just like the old days. Everything seemed normal and real, and you were really there. 

I cannot imagine how your closed ones feel, during dreams like that. 

To be honest, we weren't that close.

We only knew each other for like half a year? We ran into each other at zouk with Bella? 

And we became housemates after that, and we started to know each other better.

Like we both love mambo and the 90s music.

I remember I was streaming a Newcastle match, and was getting all excited, and you were laughing at my huge reactions and stuff.
Your MANUAL Toyota RAV-4.

The one Sakuraya a week with emma.
Your singapore-painted face on National Day.

The lizard-like reptile which all of us did not manage to catch until you were home.

The long drive to Fish Rock with ced and emma.

The making fun of emma and syl "Making love out of nothing at all".

So little time spent, so little memories, but so many little details.

Here's a song I recently just heard again.

One Thing (Not One Direction's, but Finger Eleven's)

Restless tonight

Cause I wasted the light

Between both these times

I drew a really thin line

It's nothing I planned

And not that I can

But you should be mine

Across that line

If I traded it all

If I gave it all away for one thing

Just for one thing

If I sorted it out

If I knew all about this one thing

Wouldn't that be something

I promise I might

Not walk on by

Maybe next time

But not this time

Even though I know

I don't want to know

Yeah I guess I know

I just hate how it sounds

If I traded it all

If I gave it all away for one thing

Just for one thing

If I sorted it out

If I knew all about this one thing

Wouldn't that be something

If I traded it all

If I gave it all away for one thing

Just for one thing

If I sorted it out

If I knew all about this one thing

Wouldn't that be something

Even though I know

I don't want to know

Yeah I guess I know

I just hate how it sounds

Well, no prizes for guessing what's my one thing.
I don't know how or what is moving on.
Just hope that wherever you are, you are smiling, and looking after all your closed ones.
And keep the dreams going to them.
Hope you will visit me one day :) 

Miss you, Richie. 

BHMF, Princess Street.


-scotty

Happy birthday...?

18102012.

24yearsold.

Not really looking forward to celebrate this year's birthday.

For the past day, all I can think about is you.

17102012. 

7 months on, and I still can't forget.

And as i write this post.

Class95 plays Mariah Carey - Bye bye

Oh the f*king irony.

I never knew I could hurt like thisAnd everyday life goes on likeI wish I could talk to you for awhileI wish I could find a way try not to cryAs time goes by
And soon as you reached a better placeStill I'll give the whole world to see your faceAnd I'm bragging next to youIt feels like you gone too soonNow the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

I don't wanna say bye. Not like this.

Visit me some time in my dreams yea? And wish me happybirthday or somethin'.

-scotty

3rd Month.

It's almost coming to a hundred days now. 

You are still not forgotten.

Thanks for blessing me and my exams this semester.

It has been a rollercoaster ride.

fed up.

indescribable feeling.

Another Singaporean brother bites the dust.

I don't know whether I have seen you before in NDU.

But you do look quite familiar.

Hope you will bless your parents and your loved ones.

Rest well now, Tam Song Choon aka Kang kang.

Hooya!

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/mystery-surrounds-shock-death-of-part-time-student.html

scott.

Sick.

Why is it so difficult to move on?

It just keeps coming back.

You think I want it to?

I'm sick of trying to move on.

WHY?

This should not have even happen to you at all.

Stuffs like that should not happen to good people like you.

Why must you be taken away from us?

Cliche, but if I could just turn back time.

I don't think some of us actually realized how much hurt we caused.

It's uncountable. Unbearable. Irreversible.

Life is UNFAIR.

2012 has been such a bad year all round.

Countless NS soldiers died during trainings.

Friends, mums, who passed on.

Ferrari driver speeding and crashing into an oncoming vehicle.

So many more cases.

Are we really coming to the end of the world?

Just needed to get it off my chest.

scott.

Feeling the heat.

Just had my Econometrics supp paper yesterday.

The one I walked out from.

So darn disappointed in myself, as I handed the paper in. 

It was the exact same paper, from a couple of weeks back.

And I think I still flunked it.

Goodness man. What is wrong with me?!

Really super disappointed.

Went partying at night.

Was sherm's and eloys's birthday celebration.

Happy birthday guys!
Surprisingly, Kieran turned up!

Something has been bothering me for quite sometime. So I gave it a shot.

I asked him honestly, whether his close friends blame us for what happened.

He said no. But I kinda rather he said yes. 

I would rather get bashed up when they see me. 

Probably I might feel better.

All in all, it was a good night, and sherms got wasted :)

Exams are in about 4 weeks time. 

Really praying I can make it through. Parents and Michelle are coming. Don't wanna disappoint them.

Can't believe now I'm actually most afraid of failing my German, which is my elective!

Scheiße!

"It's gonna be the second month soon. Will I ever be able to get over it?"

Hello hottie.

Cya in 4 days time! Can't wait!

lee out.

Now. Rest well, my friend.

9th August 2011, QUT Brisbane, Australia

New web. New post. New beginning. Maybe it's a tribute to you, or just my way of remembering you. But I feel I had to do something, because I'm afraid. Afraid that I will forget what happened, and that I will forget you. 

Hence, leftablog.blogspot.com. In remembrance of you, my friend, my housemate. Richie(middle). And yes, that's a Singapore flag tattoo on his face.

Although it has been only 4 weeks that we have been staying together, I can safely say, you are not who people say you are. You are not the most popular of people in UQ and I have heard some nasty stuff about you which made me skeptical of staying with you. But just these 4 weeks living together, there's no truth in those words at all. Probably just the way you do and say things. Being candid and getting your point across. But you CAN get things done. That's your strength.

You are a person with goals in life. Flipping through your notebook, I find weekly to-dos being striked out, your short-term goals, long-term goals, even what you seek to achieve everyday.

Doing a kind act everyday. 

Take over family business by 2015.  

Let parents retire by 2015.   

Be Faithful.   

Shows how much I knew about you. I never knew you were so focused in life, target-oriented. I was almost certain you will be a great housemate. I mean, who the hell drives to Melbourne from Brisbane, and back?! Respect. It would have been so much fun going on a road trip with you. Up to Cairns, to the Great Barrier Reef. Picking up biking with you. There's so much I have still yet to know about you!

We were happily making our way there. Enjoying our 6-hour drive. You were enjoying yourself so much, you said you could drive all the way! So that when we came back, we are going to travel inland, and I was going to do the driving so that you could enjoy the scenery. I was so certain it was going to be a great weekend.

What happened man? I still ask myself this question umpteen times, every single day. What caused you to lose consciousness? Why did you lose the regulator? Why was your mask off? What happened? It was just a short few minutes. But everything happened so quickly. If only I looked back several more times to see everyone was there. If only I hit you harder to wake you up. If only I persevered long enough while performing CPR. If only I shouted louder at you to come back to us. If only we did not go for this trip...

Sometimes I think I was the one who got into the accident, and that I am just living in another parallel universe now. It's just surreal. Even when we came back, at your funeral, while I looked at you lying there, I thought I saw you breathing. It's just so difficult to accept that you are gone. I really cannot face your parents, family members, relatives, friends and Bella. Especially when you are being pushed into the incinerator, I really can't fight back my tears. My heart ached so badly, because I know, somehow or rather, I am related to your death. There was always something I could have done to prevent this. Hearing them shouting out for you, made my heart bleed. I could not even lift up my head to look at any of them. I'm weak, I know. I'm sorry, Richie.

I kept thinking as well, what was on your mind during the last few moments? You must have felt so helpless. Really can't imagine. I hope you left us peacefully. Another quote, from the first page of your notebook. 

"I am more than I appear to be, the World's strength & power rests inside me." 

You must have taken this quote from somewhere else, but I believe it definitely applies on you. 


I miss you man. I'll never forget the smile on your face. The laughs we shared although it was minimal. I regret not having a proper photo of just the two of us. Hope you will bless your loved ones and keep them safe. 

Rest in peace, Richie. Hope you are in a better world now.

Scott.